I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
