i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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