I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize