Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize