His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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