well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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