drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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