Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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