i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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