im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
