I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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