The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
