in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
