He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
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he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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