I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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