I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
