eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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