I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
