Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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