peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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