Non-Jews are for practice
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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