Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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