i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
