Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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