The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
