I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?