I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla