I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm both gender and math confused
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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