Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.