Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.