One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He had one of those small greek statue penises
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with