1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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