i don't like sucking hair
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
