No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
