Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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