i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
