He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
