Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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