Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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