how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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