so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
