...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
