The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize