I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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