He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
time to smoke my breakfast
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
