yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
