Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
