by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
