need another drink. this is the easiest way
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
