Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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