after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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