9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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