He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
