Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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