i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.