If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed