Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.