you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed