Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
