I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Randomize
