One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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