he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize