I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize