too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
