I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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