I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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