I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
