I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize