So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
