I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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